Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
