I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
