Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
