no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
