I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
smell my finger.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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