I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
