He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
