my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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