pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
