Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
