My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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