Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
