he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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