def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You're a disaster
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