I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
