talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
