As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
