you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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