take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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