Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
