Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
