I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
