You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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