soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
