Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
