I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
