like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
