I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
