New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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