bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
only if we run a train.
done.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
