Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
