who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
