Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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