i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
