I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
