Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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