Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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