You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
