Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
