Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You ruined the universe
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
