I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
third nipple confirmed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
