Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I've blown a few things in my day
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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