We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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