I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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