For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
