So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
