I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
