a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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