my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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