I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
